I've been healing since you left, as much as I can. I keep holding my breath waiting for you to return to me. I keep turning around hoping to see you there smiling at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I thought I knew the meaning of pain before you left, I thought I had traveled to the deepest depths of where my pain resides. I thought that I had felt this pain on my arm, this pain in my heart and that it had passed. I thought I wouldn't have to see it again, I told it to go back to where it came and to let go of my love and compassion. It's not gone though Mark. It's just changed and its has grasped every part of me, it's taken my strength. I want your loving arms to embrace me and to embrace my pain. I crave to have you near me Mark, I crave your physical presence. I crave the immense love that you have shown to everyone, the love that you have shown me. You took the crumbling mess that was my heart, the labyrinth that is my mind and you took the hand that had done harm to myself. You took all of these things and instead of showing judgment, instead of showing ignorance and instead of showing a need to take care of yourself... You showed much more. You showed me that in this world of people who look at a loss cause like myself that there are people who care. I was lost and miserable. You showed me the true meaning of love, compassion, and acceptance regardless of the stupid things that set us apart as living breathing organisms. I want you back Mark, and I know I'm not the only one. I feel like I've lost a piece of my heart.. a piece that helped my live. A place where love resides and there is nothing but love. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that someone so miserable and un kind like myself would continue living when someone as loving and kind as you had no choice. It's hard to find an explanation for many things these days..
A message for Mark
