I thought for my first post i might just speak openly about whats on my mind and a number of other things. A big part of my life recently has really involved my dads, for those of you reading this who are not in support of love between two men you might just want to stop now. For those still reading, you may either have already known that i have two dads or may not have, either way I'll explain just a bit further. I grew up with a loving mother and father and nine other siblings. My dad was a hard working man supporting his family and my mum was a stay at home mother taking care of her kids. I can go on for a while explaining my childhood and my family but I'll save that for another time. My dad and my mum are both beautiful and kind people, but sometimes peoples paths have to diverge at a certain point. Their paths diverged when i was twelve in sixth grade.
A little while after this event had occurred in my life my father came out to me as being a gay man. Well everyone has a different way of reacting to any life changing moment, i had no idea how i was supposed to react to this. I grew up in the LDS church since the day i was born and in doing so had never been sat down and talked with about the matter of gay marriage or anything else similar to this. I was taught that it wasn't "normal", that is what a "problem" and that you shouldn't interact with people who were attracted to the same sex. This was an ongoing battle in my mind of what was the truth. I knew that my father was a loving and kind person, i knew there wasn't anything wrong with him. But then again everything i had known since i was born was what i was taught in the LDS church. Do i love the man who raised me and cared for me, or do i follow what was inserted into my mind since i was a child.
I started to distance myself from the church and try to better understand what was going on in my own mind. I started to spend more time with my dad after he had moved out and try to understand why it is i shouldn't spend time with him because of the reason that he was attracted to males and not females. Over time it just became ridiculous in my mind that he wasn't a good person because of this reason. I still somewhat associated myself with the church because i was still confused about things taught and because my mum wanted me to be an example to my four younger siblings. Talking about my dad being gay wasn't something i really shared with anyone because of the fact that i basically live in the LDS capitol of the world and was nervous of getting made fun of at school or anywhere else. I enjoyed spending time with my dad and loved him for who he was. Then he introduced me to a man named Mark. Mark was his partner at the time and just like before i didn't know how to react to the situation. But after time went by i learned to love him and accept him into my life.
So at this time i lived in a Mormon household with my mum and a household divided of siblings who accepted my dad and those who didn't and stuck to the church's teachings, then i would spend my weekends with my dad and his partner. I was stuck between these two places not sure what to do for a while. I finally put a foot down when it came to the day that my very Mormon friends mother ran into my dad, Mark and my four younger siblings coming out of a play. She then asked me the next time i came over who the man with my father was, i had never been put in a place where i discussed my dad and Mark before. I explained to her nervously that Mark was my dads partner, she was very puzzled at first. We started talking about him and Mark and she began to explain that was he was doing was wrong, my emotions bouncing off the walls in my mind at the sound of this. She started to explain that his "decision" to do this was wrong and that i should spend the minimum amount of time that i have to with him. I wouldn't stand there and listen to these things said about my dad. After this i just couldn't be around her because she was so close minded and i didn't need anyone who would talk negatively about my own father to me. It was after this that i was done with the LDS church and decided to go off on my own path and figure out what I wanted and not what was wanted of me.
Now that you have a bit of a background as to how things started out, I'll move forward with things. I am currently living with my dads, Joseph "my biological father" and Mark "my other loving father". They were married in Maui this past year and i couldn't be happier for them. I have come to learn and accept Mark into my life as part of my family and love him unconditionally as i do with my own father Joseph. I am so proud to tell all of my friends about them and the rest of my family who many would view as "unusual" or not the everyday family you see. But I've really come to appreciate the unordinary and have become so much more loving/accepting of the different people i meet because of this upbringing these last couple years. When you meet people who aren't as excepting of the life you live and don't appreciate the things that make you happy you just move past them and hope one day they get the chance to view the world as you do.
|(My Dad on the left & Mark on the right)|
Well there's a lot to say about my dads, there's so many little individual things that make up who a person is and they each have their own special aspects. But if i was to start off with anything, it would be that there is so much love between them. They are such kind and caring men who have been through journeys beautiful and grueling, but always come out the other side with more life and love then before. There hasn't been anything that they couldn't conquer holding the others hand and bringing their love together. Well one of the hardest challenges they've faced was the moment Mark was diagnosed with prostate cancer.. As soon as it seemed like they had fields and cities ahead of them to run through and see together, to live and love together with one thought "what will our next journey bring". It was like all of that was taken away and they were placed in a doctors office with only one thing on their mind, "The rest of your time together is on a short timer quickly counting down to zero".
How do you react when your dad tells you that your other father has cancer..? Just take a moment and explain the process to me of feeling like you've been shot through the heart over and over again. I didn't understand, i still don't. Why did this man who was kind and loving of every living thing around him, get everything taken away from him in just a quick moment. He was an ER doctor and did hospice care. He took care of people and he only ever wanted to share love and happiness to everyone around him. This just didn't add up in my own mind. Why couldn't it have been me? Why can't it be me? Mark didn't do anything to deserve this, he doesn't deserve this.. I wrote this in my journal for Mark this past summer and haven't shown a single person till this moment.